More Crazy Things I'm Watching for This Fall

And how to cuss in fluent Kamala.

Cassidy Steele Dale forecasts and contextualizes the present to equip us to make a better, kinder future…

… and one of those ways to cuss starting with a word that begins with the letter M.

OK, these constant breaking news updates/oddities keep interrupting my ability to write about giraffes, fictional election theft, and Corgis of the Serengeti. Maybe I’ll get that done for next week. It’s gotta be soon, though, because election denial season is about to start and we’ll need this giraffe-related information.

Two weeks ago I sent you a list of things that are on deck to happen between now and the Inauguration. I’ve got some updates and some things to add to that list.

• Kamala is now the nominee and Grill Dad (long may he grill) is her running mate. Some astute reporter asked her what her favorite curse word is and she refused to utter it but said it starts with an “M” and ends with an “ah” sound. I presume she means Momala, which is what her stepkids call her. I suspect we’ll all be uttering her curse word or Momala a lot between now and Inauguration Day.

• The Democratic convention happens soon. We’ll get her actual agenda/plans/priorities then though she’ll roll out some of them chunks at a time in the meantime.

• Trump will be sentenced for his 34 convictions this fall. One of the conditions of his probation or whatever MUST be that he surrender his passport to the Clerk. More on that in a minute.

• In September-ish, Judge Chutkan will hold the evidentiary hearing (in public) for all his January 6 Capitol Riot/2020 election theft attempts in an effort to parse what will and won’t be admissible in court given the Supreme Court’s ruling that presidents are untouchable kings when it comes to crime and crime-ing.

• Some debates will happen. At least one. My hand to God, I cannot figure out who might win them. She’ll be coherent and, if she’s in prosecutor mode, she’ll be excellent on stage. It may not matter. I’ll think on this some more.

I’m now also watching for the next few months to go batshit crazy:

• In a desperate flail, Trump may fire his campaign managers and decide to run his own campaign himself according to his own instincts — not understanding that his own instincts are now bad and a mismatch to the moment. This may include him actually shooting an actual brown person on actual Fifth Avenue in actual New York City in an attempt to gain votes by being cruel because for some of his supporters the cruelty is the point and he hopes there’s some additional cruelty-admirers out there among the undecideds even though there ain’t. My point is that as he loses political ground in the race, expect him to flail in ways that make his chances far, far worse.

• FBI agents go back through RFK, Jr.’s movements over the past few decades and start solving some X-Files.

• At which point the Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck political law will come into play. That “law” states that under normal circumstances Americans vote for the calm-and-steady (Bugs Bunny) over the batshit-crazy-temper-blown (Daffy Duck). The question is whether or not America has returned to normal circumstances. I secretly think we already have but we can’t admit it to ourselves quite yet.

• Another federal government shutdown deadline arrives on the last day of September and Congress doesn’t come back from the Bahamas or wherever until halfway through the month. The GOP is angling to require any and all appropriations bills to fund the Departments of Anything to include the SAVE Act which outlaws undocumented immigrants from being able to vote. Spoiler alert: undocumented immigrants are already outlawed from voting. And can’t. And don’t. Given that it’s already illegal, Democrats will reject it on every bill and the GOP gets the political showdown the first few days of October that it thinks will provide Trump political advantage and they will be wrong. When the federal government shuts down due to brinkmanship the American public routinely blames the Republicans for (a) why their post office is closed and (b) why the Department of Anything they need for something goes straight to voicemail. Worse, the GOP will do this in an effort to argue a few weeks later that Trump lost the election because hundreds of thousands of undocumented immigrants voted for Kamala (even though they didn’t) and thus the election is null and void and was stolen and that Trump should be installed as President (and then immediately constrained within a fake McDonald’s PlayPlace hastily constructed within the East Wing. Mayor McCheese should expect a sudden political resurrection and some ceremonial duties. Grimace will become Secretary of Defense and the Hamburglar will of course be paroled and become Attorney General).

• In October, especially across the swing states, state governments will start warning everyone —and by everyone I mean Trump-leaning county election officials who have been quietly stress-testing the system — that they can’t refuse to certify election results they don’t like in an effort to cut off Democratic votes from reaching Kamala’s tally.

• In an effort to scare more Republican voters to the polls, Fox News and conservative media will suddenly discover another migrant caravan on the way here from somewhere down South armed with (a) their brownness, (b) their numbers, (c ) their children, and (d) their yearning to breathe free and yearning to reach the embrace of The Mother of Exiles. And yet Fox News and others will fearmonger against those whose plastic water jugs on sharp-thin shoulder strings should be refilled by the kind.

• The Unkind Man — the minute he knows he’s lost or will lose and that his only future is in prison for the rest of his life — flees to Venezuela via private jet, as he’s been signaling to all of us lately (but thinking he’s so sly that he’s not… because he thinks we’re all stupid because he is him). Under the radar as best as he can… even without his passport… under a sky controlled by Biden who will respond… or under a sky controlled by Kamala who is long practiced at dealing with flights from prosecution. (And if not Venezuela then a very nice dacha outside Moscow. Any country with no extradition.) But as soon as his plane is in the air, Kamala will utter her curse word and then ask the assembled Departments and Agencies of the American people for options and those options will be mighty. If Biden hasn’t done it already and provided her with a package and a wink and a Go get him, kid. Both of them knowing that some of those Departments and Agencies — sometimes split between legal justice and moral justice — will unite and will render a criminal in hiding unto his day in court and out of the dark and into the sunlight. Because that’s part of what they were built for and what they live to do.

Mothahfuckaaaaa…